What's in a name?
by You'llHaveToGuessIt
Summary: Regina first hears the name when she is a child. Mother is stomping down the hallway, muttering about 'Eva', and Regina asks "Who's that?" Mother turns and Regina flinches. That is when she realises the name is a Danger. Or, all those times Regina heard Queen Eva's name and wished she could forget all the memories that came with it. (T warning: brief mention of rape)


**A/N Guess who got side tracked whilst writing Appearance of Power? I did! Yaay! My headcanons are very insistent about being written down.**

**Regina's life each time she encounters the name 'Eva' and all the bad memories associated with the woman her husband married her to replace, past, present and imaginary future! Woohoo!**

**Note that the teen warning is for mention of both child abuse and (marital) rape (which is still not okay!), as well as very poorly displayed PTSD. This does have a happier ending than would first appear. Promise.**

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><p>Regina first hears the name when she is a child, and Daddy is bringing her up to her rooms to be bathed and seen to by the maids. It was her first riding lesson, and Daddy said that 6 (and a half!, she insists) is old enough to ride a horse for the first time. So a young colt Daddy brought especially for her is brought out, and she strokes him, and sits in the saddle, and falls to the ground with a thud. Regina didn't mind, because it brought a good kind of pain, like when you finally do something right. She doesn't like the pain Mother brings when she does something wrong.<p>

She does something wrong just outside the door to her rooms, and Mother is stomping down the long hallway with her 'angry face', muttering about 'Eva' and how she's a 'spoiled simpering brat'. Regina asks "Who's that?" and Mother turns with her 'really angry face' and Regina flinches and dashes through the door with a "never mind!" hurled over her shoulder.

She realises her speed didn't allow her to escape punishment, as the bathwater scalds her skin even as her nursemaid insists it's fine. Daddy must have heard about Regina's insolence, because he comes by later to tell her to never mention this 'Eva' again.

That is when she realises the name is a Danger.

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><p>The next time she hears it is just after they get a new stable-boy, when she is twelve and can finally ride Rochiante on her own. The boy, Donovan or some such, helps her put the saddle on the great horse's back, rambling on and on about the royalty that passed through his small village to go somewhere else, and his little sister fell in front of a horse and the Queen on its back dismounted to dust the girl off and set her on her feet.<p>

Out of curiosity Regina asks for the Queen's name, because she sounds like a lovely woman, and Regina is trying to create a new mother for herself in her head. When Dennis says the Queen's name is Eva, the young princess throws her horse's brush at him, yells at him to never speak that name in her presence again, and storms out before mother can hear of the incident.

The boy, Daniel is his name, she remembers then, presents her with flowers the next time they are alone with Rochiante, and she accepts his apology with a shy smile.

That is when she learns that the name belongs to a Queen.

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><p>The ball that is held two months later to celebrate the beginning of her life as a woman (which seems like a morbid thing to celebrate, considering how such a thing is discovered) is rarely attended, as Mother holds it on the same day that the King and Queen throw a lavish, last minute ball to celebrate the news of Queen Eva's pregnancy.<p>

Mother refuses to attend the ball, terrorises the guests (few though they are) at _Regina's_ ball, and prevents Daddy from sending his congratulations to the happy couple.

That is when she learns that the name causes Mother's Wrath.

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><p>When she is 17 a ball is held to celebrate the coming of age of one of Regina's few friends, King Midas' treasured daughter Abigail. Mother was not informed that Queen Eva would be in attendance, and when the woman was spotted across the room Cora grabbed her daughter, dragged her to a secluded daughter, and magicked them back to the estate. All communications were then blocked between Regina and the Princess Abigail, as Mother took offence to King Midas inviting other Royalty to his daughter's ball.<p>

After several months of blocking contact, Mother gleefully presents a letter to Regina at breakfast. Regina recognises Princess Abigail's handwriting and is glad that Mother is finally giving her her friend back. She pulls the letter out of the previously-opened envelope and realises why it was given to her: it is a painfully formal letter from her friend that terminates their friendship on account of Regina refusing to attend her birthday, and then ignoring all of the Princess' attempts at communication.

Mother smirks when Regina leaves the table in tears without eating. As is his habit, Daddy does nothing but watch her run away, before continuing to eat his breakfast.

That is when she learns the name means Isolation.

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><p>Less than a year later the Queen dies, and Daniel a few months later. In the back of her mind Regina blames the deaths on her mother, even the first, though she lacks proof, but she heaps the blame at Snow's feet all the same.<p>

That is when the name becomes a Reminder.

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><p>A week later, as the seamstresses work tirelessly to finish the wedding gown Regina doesn't want to wear, she yells at Mother (in private, of course) that this ridiculousness will make no one happy, because Regina loves Daniel and the King loves his dead wife.<p>

Mother's rage is accompanied by a slap, and Regina is magicked back to the estate, to the room of her childhood. The door is locked, and the windows barred, and any food Regina stashed in here from prior punishments has long since rotted away. A purple cloud returns her to the castle three days later.

That is when the name starts to mean Hunger.

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><p>Mere hours before the wedding, after Mother is long gone through Rumpleshtiltskin's looking glass, to wherever-it-leads, Regina is smoothing down the heavy satin as she stares at herself in the mirror. The little brat's maid, Jolene, or perhaps Jacqueline, gives her what the woman no doubt believes is a compliment. "You look almost as beautiful as dear Eva did in her wedding gown." Regina hopes they don't follow the same design. Her grimace is mistaken for a smile as Jennifer beams and waves over the poor souls whose lives revolve around styling hair.<p>

As she walks down the aisle to her waiting husband-to-be, the name becomes an Expectation.

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><p>Short hours again after that, after both she and her... husband have drunk a little too much champagne (for different reasons, though no doubt both stem from some form of dislike for this sham of a marriage), Regina tries to block that awful name from her ears. All the noises she hears in fact; the grunts and the pants of the man writhing above her, her own whimpers of pain, the protests of the bed as it groans beneath them.<p>

Leopold keeps on crying out for his late wife, and apologising for this offence against her even as he continues to thrust himself at Regina.

The name becomes a form of Torture.

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><p>After Tinkerbell and the Lion-Marked man in the Tavern that she will most likely never see again, the name shows that only some get to be happy, and for Regina's misery that name becomes a Symbol.<p>

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><p>As she casts her Daddy's heart into a fire, the name becomes a Curse.<p>

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><p>She tries not to think about the name, and on most days she succeeds. But one day Regina is stalking Snow White, smirking to herself as the 'Mad Hatter' attempts to poke holes in the schoolteacher's memories. There are enough holes as it is, so much back-story that Regina didn't bother to fill in (she doesn't think that Gold even has a first name, but if he did it would probably be something ridiculous). Jefferson meddles a little too much, though, as Snow seems to go into some sort of trance, looking into the distance.<p>

The teacher starts to speak of her mother, and at the sound of the dead woman's name Regina flinches and rushes back to her empty Mansion, ignoring everyone that attempts conversation, which is, in truth, only Sydney.

As she sits alone in the darkness, hyperventilating until the sunrise snaps her out of her panic, Regina realises the name is a Trigger.

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><p>She doesn't encounter it again for several years. But when Henry is nine, Regina locks herself in the bathroom so her son can't get in should he get home before she's back in her own mind. She had been flicking through the TV channels, trying to find <em>something<em> of interest, when she came across some show based in a Hospital. Regina hadn't known the places could be so chaotic, based on her knowledge of Storybrooke General, but there were people whirling about and blood was on the floor, and that blondish doctor looked about twelve.

After about five minutes of not realising the remote was still pointed at the TV, completely caught up in the drama of the show as she was, Regina dropped the remote on the floor. A new doctor had appeared on-screen, with dark hair and dark scrubs and a face just like her own. For the next half hour She sat enraptured, watching this carbon copy of herself dash around the screen, sassing people and saving lives. She gives a warm smile as this 'Doctor Zambrano' kneels to speak to a child, but the peace of the moment is shattered when the woman speaks her first name. "I'm Eva."

The remote makes contact with the Hi-def screen before Regina even registers throwing it, and to her horror the screen cracks and the TV gets caught in a short loop. She kneels, she speaks _that name_, she smiles, she hugs.

_'I'm Regina_'.

That's when she rushes up the stairs to panic against pristine tiles. Every blink of her eyes brings her vision to darkness, and flashes of her face as she introduces herself to Snow as 'Eva'. She has blood on her hands as she reaches into a dying man's chest, and all the similarities she didn't notice suddenly come rushing to the forefront of her mind. Memories and imaginings collide as she struggles to breathe, and after a while she is simply lying with her face pressed against the cool ceramic, trying to remember what is real.

After Henry brings her back to herself when he gets back from school, and she has arranged for a replacement TV to arrive the next afternoon, Regina is lying in her bed after startling awake.

It seems the name has become a Nightmare.

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><p>Months later, when the Saviour has come to town and Henry is increasingly irritated at not being allowed to watch TV (although in all fairness <em>she<em> is the one who broke it), he attempts to explain his theory to her. She lets him ramble on and on about this person and that person, and how much Disney got the stories wrong, and she listens with a smile as he starts on another tale.

But then he mentions his 'great-grandma', and she knows it's a vain hope that he might be talking about whoever birthed 'Charming', but then he says _the name_ and Regina grabs the book because she knows it's the only thing that will shut him up. He leaps up with a glare and tries to take the thing back but she holds it above her head, glad that she, for once, has the advantage of height. He is storming out the door before she can suffer through a breath, and then she is on her knees as some awful sound echoes throughout the room.

After a moment Regina realises the sound is her as she wails to herself, and she must huddle there for hours, clutching the book to her chest. This time she is awoken by the shrill call of the house phone, her cell flashing at her with a missed call. Hopper's voice stutters through on voice-mail, but Regina isn't listening as she flicks through the book, tearing out every page she can find that bears the image of Snow's mother, or a whisper of _that name._

When Henry finally returns, having skipped his appointment with the Cricket in favour of something she will no doubt disapprove of with the Sheriff, he glares as he eats one of the three lasagnas she stress-cooked in the last two hours, and stomps off to his room with a piece of the cake she baked as she tried to occupy her hands. The spark in his eyes is something she tries to ignore, which is hard when it is emphasised by the sheen of tears that are threatening to fall.

She thinks the name might mean Hatred, too.

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><p>After the curse is broken it is a few short, blissful months before she hears the name again, and this time it comes from her Mother as she confesses to the woman's murder. Hours later, as she gently lays Mother beside Daddy in the mausoleum, she wonders why she was grateful. It's not like she ever wanted to be Queen.<p>

The next time she sees Snow, the name has come to mean Blame.

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><p>She hears it again in Neverland, as she and Charming discuss how wonderful their parents were as Regina, Miss Swan and the Pirate make eye contact from separate sides of the clearing and acknowledge the crying children that only they can hear. Beside her, not even Tinkerbell seems to notice her tears.<p>

The conversation goes on and _on_ as sharp nails dig crescents into Regina's palm, and now all she can think of is Pain.

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><p>Many, <em>many<em> years later, after all the dangers have passed and Henry is almost 17 (and when did _that_ happen), Regina can not remember the last time she felt so at peace. Robin is by her side, and he keeps an eye on Roland as she keeps two on their little Cailin (named after Robin's sister, who died a child). Emma is trying to pry one of her and the Captain's twins (she was not pleased when she learned that having twins was often genetic, but she seem to forget that after Liam and Lewis were born) off of the curtain rails, and Belle is a few feet away, trying to pry little Colette off Ruby's head with the help of Granny and Leroy, as the menace waves at her father who smirks from the relative safety of across-the-room.

Snow is slowly making her way around the room, introducing baby number four to the various people scattered about. She makes the plump little hand wave at people, kissing the downy little head every few seconds. James, in the arms of his father, keeps on reaching out to prod his new baby sister. Regina is smiling warmly as the four of them finally come over, Regina and Robin positioned by the door out of habit should she find the need to flee. Snow holds the little hand out in the beginning of a wave, but Regina reaches out instead the shake the tiny, clenching fist.

"Good afternoon, m'lady."

Regina raises an eyebrow at the mock glare sends her way, and with a laugh Robin asks if they have decided on a name. With a smile (and a few too many sly glances in Regina's direction), the couple answer the affirmative, but say they haven't told anyone yet. It seems they've selected the two of them to be the first to hear it though, and Snow leans forwards, passing the baby over and says "We've decided to name her after my... mother, so-"

Snow fails to finish the sentence, as she is preoccupied with trying to secure the baby that was just shoved (with great care) into her arms. In a blink Regina is out the door, and she now understands those covert glances. She thinks the might have heard Abigail _tsk_-ing as she fled, but that could have been anyone, She rushes down the street before she remembers her magic, and then she is in the master bedroom wondering when Snow got so cruel. _Does she know how much that name wounds me? _Regina doesn't know how she could; it's not like it is _obvious._ The name must just be in remembrance of the Queen, and not one final jab at me her then.

But that means she has to _accept_ it. For the first time in her life she'll have to actually speak the name that has caused her so much grief. She collapses in the middle of the room, and tries to imagine herself being surrounded by _that name._

She'll be friends with all of the younger children, and they'll likely speak of her often whenever Cailin has them over, if the girl doesn't come herself. No doubt Henry will brag often of his Aunt's accomplishments, as he did of Neal's and James'. Emma will mention her youngest sibling often as well, going on and on about her in the bi-monthly magic 'lessons' they have, though now they are more of a game. Even Rumplestiltskin will say it, perhaps as a jab, or perhaps as another of his long tales of all the children he finds himself surrounded with whenever he joins his wife at the Library. And Regina will have to interact with the child, and call her by her name and...

And even _Robin_ will be saying it, not knowing that it became a Weapon oh so long ago. And he will _keep on_ saying it. As he talks to Henry and Roland and Cailin. As they watch TV, as they eat Dinner, as they explore the woods and go on road-trips and _every time_ they see Snow and Charming.

He may even say it as they lie in bed together, her head on his chest as they describe their days to one another.

Dark spots cloud her vision as she presses her forehead to the hardwood floor, arms wrapped around her waist as her knees become numb from the pressure. She thinks she might be sobbing, but there are definitely tears on her cheeks as she falls to pieces alone on the floor.

But suddenly she is less alone, as her son's heavy gait takes the stairs two at a time, closely followed by Robin and then Roland. There are other footsteps but she doesn't hear them as the world becomes muffled when Henry presses her head to his chest. After a moment her boys are there as well, and they smother her in a protective embrace. She realises, belatedly, that poor Emma and Killian must have been given Cailin to watch over as well as their own rowdy children, because she is not a part of this little group hug. They must also have Neal and James, as they certainly aren't here with their parents and their little sister as they stand in the doorway.

Regina has eyes only for the little bundle as it comes closer, and then suddenly it is no longer floating above her head but being pressed into her arms. She accepts the blankets and the child within automatically, before wishing she hadn't so that she could run away from the little pink-faced princess once more. She doubts that she could, though. Henry has such a tight hold on her, and she is otherwise surrounded.

She thinks Snow might have started talking several minutes ago, and she tunes in to hear her say "...you didn't have to run away." Regina snorts, and by the way that Snow glances down to her nose and scrunches up her face, she assumes it brings an unpleasant result. With a tilt of the head she says "You didn't even stay to hear her name."

Regina rolls her eyes, and manages to croak out: "I thought you were naming her after your mother?"

Snow nods. "We are." She reaches a hand out to the week-old child, and the hand that isn't currently wrapped around Regina's index finger wraps itself around Snow's. The fair Queen smiles and silence reigns for a moment, before she blinks and says "So, Regina... meet Regina." There is a fair amount of blinking going on from both of the Regina's, before the elder one wraps her mind around the situation.

With a frown she remarks "You're just trying to complicate the family tree even further." With two Regina's in it's branches, and the original marked as both Snow and Henry's mothers, there could only be chaos. Regina has leaned into Robin and is playing with baby Regina's hand before she realises that Snow is still going.

"... and we decided her middle name should be Evelyn, because Mother said she met this _delightful_ little girl in a small village once, after almost running her down with her horse, and the girl's name was Evelyn, and Mother wanted to call _me_ that, before the blizzard and..." Regina has stopped listening, and she smiles down at the child in her arms, who keeps blinking at her sort of-grandmother. She remembers that Evelyn was Daniel's sister's name, and she knows she has a far clearer picture of the girl that Snow does, from the one time they met and Evie said she wished that _her_ name was Regina, because it was _'soo pretty'._

Regina is calm again as she stares at the child, and they must have sat there for hours because Henry and Roland are asleep and Snow has stopped talking, and she's taken Regina Evelyn out of Regina's arms several times to breastfeed, but she always passes her back again. Regina thinks she might have fallen asleep against her husband's chest with her once-foe's child in her arms, because when she awakens she is in a tangle of arms and legs with her boys, has a smile on her face, and she feels like an old wound has finally started to heal. She thinks Snow might be singing a lullaby in Henry and Cailin's old nursery, and Charming is humming along as the baby warbles with them. Knowing those two, they're probably waltzing around with the poor child held between them.

Regina smirks as she snuggles further into Robin's chest, Roland's feet right by her face as he lies perpendicular across Henry, and drifts off again to the sound of little Regina wailing at her father's poor attempts at singing.

For the first time in all of her memory, Eva means what it is supposed to.

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><p><strong>AN This started off a lot shorter than it ended up. Oops.**

**Going off the actresses' ages Regina is actually about a year older than Abigail not the other way around, but we're gonna pretend that's not true ;)**

**The name 'Eva' (and also 'Evelyn') means 'life' in Hebrew, if you were wondering.**

**In case you didn't guess, the TV show Regina watched an episode of is Miami Medical, which starred the lovely Lana Parilla as one Dr. Eva Zambrano.**

**Also, the Rumbelle child (SPOILER (SORT OF)) is named after Belle's mother, who will appear next season! Along with a returning Maleficent! Woooo!**


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